I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
