I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
