Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
