I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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