he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
