...so i touched it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
