what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
