I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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