one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
