i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
