i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
