Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
