there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
