And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
