Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
