My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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