I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
