The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
