just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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