we have officially lost it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
