Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
