i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
