best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm passing your future prison.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
