Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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