The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
