I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
