I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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