I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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