Cold hands, warm shart.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
