this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
