my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
