I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
