do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
