Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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