If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
