I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
