summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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