Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
