What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
