I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
