I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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