Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
