what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
