No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
