I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
