Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
