you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
