I wish I could punch you in the face.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
