well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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