Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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