I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
