just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
