I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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