I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
