This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
