I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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