just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
