ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
